This new adventure in writing is a daunting and exhilarating process.
The conversations I have in my head, prior to sitting down at my kitchen table to write, can completely deflate me. Self-doubt always seem to visit with a bountiful list of reasons why I shouldn’t do what I am doing. I know that a lot of the negativity stems from growing up with older siblings and never feeling like I had anything valuable to say at family dinners. That was a place where my shame of not being enough made its imprint.
Writing has provided a safe place to discover the voice I never had. I now realize the importance for me to find this safe place to share my thoughts and feelings. Before I begin to write, I typically have to spin around the various levels of insecurity and the voices that tell me I am not qualified to write. Then, I dip into my motivation and remind myself that I know what I am talking about. This is how I quiet the negative voices and begin.
I know that everyone, at some point, experiences self-doubt, however, some may have a better shield or mask to cover their feelings. I am here to expose my insecurities because I find this process liberating and hope others will find value as well. I know it feels lonely and isolating when you think everyone else has it together. I used to hate the question “what do you do” or “how do you keep your self busy while the kids are in school” because those seemingly innocent inquires would instantly trigger feelings of inadequacy and not being enough. Since I’ve put fear and anxiety in the corner, I am no longer triggered by those questions. In fact, I am excited to share my current project.
I often see on social media and read articles or quotes about people speaking and sharing their experiences of personal development. They are expressing how trying new things and participating in activities that create fear or anxiety has ultimately expanded their own personal growth. Common vulnerability and shared experiences are what inspires me every day to continue writing.
I have a new iteration of myself as a writer and blogger because people were open and honest about their own tribulations. Going to school, getting various degrees, and even becoming an esthetician didn’t feed my soul like writing. That’s why I constantly need to push my personal boundaries and try new experiences that peak my curiosity. This new writing practice started filling me up with a sense of accomplishment and as a result… self-love. I promise you, it doesn’t happen overnight and it’s not always consistent, however, it can happen.
I love listening to Whitney Cummings on her Instagram because, not only is she funny, but there are no pretenses. She is authentic and vulnerable. I have a deep reverence for people that openly speak about their fears and struggles. It’s through their vulnerability that inspires me to tap into mine. In fact, I am going to share a post that she wrote. It resonated so deeply with me that I felt compelled to share. “Life got overwhelming and frustrating today and I cried. My first thought was so much for an Instagram pic today, which is a very twisted inner monologue that I’d like to rewrite. Social media can exacerbate my perfectionism so I thought I’d boycott my self -defeating thoughts and post a pic of a rough day. And you can tell I’m brainwashed because I managed to do a duck mouth for the photo. We can’t possibly always be happy all the time even though we pretend to be on social media. My goal is to stop comparing my lows to people’s Instagram feed highs, and maybe by posting this, help encourage other people to share their hard times as well on social media so we aren’t only bombarded with photos that make us feel jealous or less than.” She ended with, #honestgram. I loved it!! She spoke to exactly what I am trying to accomplish with my stories. Thanks Whitney!
Here’s the love…
One way to diminish self doubt is to share our personal conflicts, experiences and strengths with others.